


freud would have a field day

by Skyuni123



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexuality, Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e06 Girl Power, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Potion/Spell, Pre-Slash, Schmoop, i'm not using this to discuss my issues with love potions no siree, tragic backstory, you can love more than one person who knew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 17:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyuni123/pseuds/Skyuni123
Summary: They all wake up, post the love spell.Dirk has a few complaints.(no actual dubcon, only referenced)





	freud would have a field day

Waking up next to Farah isn’t a problem. 

If what he remembers from last night is true - and he’s desperately trying to piece together all of those memories, surrounded by glitter - it isn’t a problem at all.

 

He lets her sleep. 

 

There’s glitter  _ everywhere.  _ He’s sure he can see Tina in a corner, looking very dishevelled, and there are many people in various stages of nakedness and gender scattered around the office. 

 

He’s actually surprised he’s still wearing clothes. If his memories are right, he definitely wasn’t earlier. And… Dirk’s glowsticks are around his neck. Huh. Well, that solves one mystery.

 

Dirk.

 

Shit, where’s Dirk?

 

* * *

 

He (quite literally) runs into Dirk in the hallway between the office and the cells. Dirk’s wearing a bright pink coat and looking more than a little bit squirrely. 

 

“Todd?”

“Dirk.”

Dirk fidgets with the hem of the coat and says, averting his eyes from Todd’s gaze, “I just want to apologise. For last night. I probably did some things that I shouldn’t have done and that’s bad, so I’m sorry-”

“Dirk.” If the man could fidget any more, he’d probably be vibrating. “It’s cool. We probably made out. So what?” And it is cool. Dirk’s a handsome guy. Todd's had his fair share of same-gender makeouts before. (Considering how he'd acted while on tour, he's about as far from heterosexual as it's possible to be.)

 

Dirk blinks at him. “You’re not mad?”

“Nah. Love spell. I feel great.” Also kinda hungover and a little bit sheepish, but he’ll sit down and process all that later. 

“Okay. Good.” The man turns and starts shuffling down the hallway away from him. 

 

He’s… subdued. Weird. This isn’t like him. Todd reaches out a hand and grabs Dirk by the arm. “Dirk? You feeling okay?”   


Dirk jerks his arm away like it’s been burnt. “Don’t touch me.”

 

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. This isn’t like Dirk at all. He’s usually the one who craves human touch - to an insane degree. The man doesn’t know the meaning of personal space. “Dirk, you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“I’m. Fine.” Dirk says, snippily, and purses his lips.

“Really?” 

 

“ _ I just can’t stand fucking love potions! _ ” Dirk blurts out, and then immediately tries to shush himself. “I mean, I’m fine. Good. Great!”

“We both know that’s a lie.” There’s warning bells going off in his head, but he can’t seem to stop talking.

Dirk sighs and clutches the pink coat further around himself. “You’re not going to let up, are you?”

 

“We have a case, and I know we’ll stumble onto the answer eventually but it’s not going to help if you’re all… squirrely.”

 

“I am  _ not  _ squirrely.” Somehow that sentence seems to offend Dirk more than anything else he’s said.

“You kinda are.”

“No, I’m not! I’m a -”

 

“Dirk.” Todd says, again. The other man’s starting to shake again and he knows that if he gets into a tangent they’ll be here all day. “Can we talk? Like, properly? I’m worried about you, man.”

“Fine.” But it doesn’t sound fine. The reply is hollow, more born out of necessity than of any real desire to talk. He sighs. “Come on, then.”

Dirk opens the door of a nearby closet, throws several brooms out onto the floor and then crawls inside. “Coming?”

 

Going into a closet with Dirk Gently. Freud would have a field day. “Yeah.”

  
  


The closet is dimly-lit, claustrophobic and Todd’s pretty sure there’s a bottle of bleach digging into his back. He can hardly see a thing through the darkness, but he can just make out Dirk’s face if he squints. 

 

He’s reminded of a time when Amanda was six. She’d been afraid of storms then (not so much now) and he’d found her hiding in his closet during one of the worst thunderstorms of his lifetime. Instead of dragging her out of there, he’d crawled in there with her and talked to her until the thunder had stopped.

It was her refuge from things that scared her.

 

Somehow, this tiny maintenance closet feels a lot like Dirk's attempt at a refuge.

 

“I was twenty-one.” Dirk says, pulling at a loose thread on his coat. His words come out in a harsh drone, with none of his usual inflection or excitement. “Or something like that. My memories of Blackwing are a bit fuzzy, for obvious reasons, but I was definitely an adult. Blackwing’s heartless but they wouldn’t have gone as far as forcing a love potion on a minor.”

Todd’s heart stops. He croaks, “They did  _ what _ ?”

“Blackwing doesn’t just find people like us. They’re a military company. They need a way to make money.” Dirk says, very matter-of-factly. He presses himself more firmly against the wall and refuses to meet his eyes. “Making and testing medical warfare on us was always a favourite of theirs.”

“You can’t mean-”

 

“This one was called Amoura. Fair stroke of irony there, of course, but that’s Blackwing. A full-strength aphrodisiac. They thought that throwing it on soldiers would make them stop fighting and just end up fucking each other. The other side could then pick them off ‘with their pants down’ or so it were.”

“And they gave it to you?”

 

“Unceremoniously dumped it on us, yes.” Dirk shrugs, fingers still shredding the edge of the coat. “Fortunately I managed to lock myself away before most of it kicked off, but I still spent days on my bed,  _ burning.  _ Have you ever been so turned on that you can’t breathe, Todd?”

“No.”

“It really  _ sucks."  _ Dirk’s voice catches on the last syllable, and to Todd’s horror, he realises that he’s  _ crying.  _ “It really really sucks. I would have rather been dead, and believe me, I _tried._ They stopped me, of course, but they wouldn't give me the antidote. It took three days before it burned off."

Todd’s almost on the verge of tears himself, a lump heavy in his throat, but he forces them away. He can’t do this. He can’t make this about himself. He takes a deep breath, steadies himself. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I know nothing I can ever say would fix this, but I’m here. Tell me how to help you.”  


"Go back in time and stop Blackwing?" Dirk snorts. It's a bitter, wet sound. "No. Too late for that, I guess."

"You know what? We're going to stop them." Todd vows, wanting to reach towards Dirk, but not daring to. "We're going to get the Boy, save Windemore, and stop those fuckers. Every single one of them. You hear me?"

"Yes." Dirk breathes, eyes glinting wetly in the tiny sliver of light coming through the crack in the door. "Yes. Good. We're going to get those...  _fuckers."_

"Yes we are." He moves to stand, to get out of the tiny cupboard, but -

 

Dirk reaches out blindly and grabs his hand. “Stay.”

“Here?” He wouldn’t. He shouldn’t. But Dirk’s grabbing onto his hand like it’s a lifeline, like it’s the only thing holding him to the earth.

“Please.”

He always finds it hard to say no to Dirk.

 

* * *

 

Tina finds them later. She’s wearing a giant cowboy hat, jean shorts and very little else. “Kids!” She crows, “We been looking all over for you. Case, remember?” 

“Mhmm.” Dirk moves the giant coat aside, lifts his head off the sleeping Todd’s shoulder and says, “Case. The case. Yes. Just… give me a minute, would you?” 

 

She rolls her eyes and shuts the door. As she heads off down the corridor, Dirk can hear her yelling, “Man, I thought  _ I  _ was a stereotype but Todd and Dirk are literally  _ cuddling  _ in the clos-”

 

A minute. Yes. Well, there’s no harm in resting a little longer, anyway. He’s exhausted. Sharing one’s horrific life story does that to a man. 

He puts his head back on Todd’s shoulder and dozes off again. Nothing is right. His past still sticks to him like the crumpled first drafts of a nihilistic writer, and he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to push past that. 

Nothing will  _ ever  _ be right after Blackwing, but this moment is less not-right than usual.

That’s got to count for something.    
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> just a note - I am fully aware that a hug from a good friend isn't going to remove a lifetime's worth of trauma. Memories and experiences just don't work that way. However, knowing that someone gives a shit about you, that someone _cares_ can really help on the pathway to recovery. 
> 
> (no 'magical healing cock of justice' here, folks)
> 
> _hit me up on the[ tumbs ](http://villainousfilmmaker.tumblr.com) _


End file.
